She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You took a bar mat shot.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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