i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
