The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
