Cold hands, warm shart.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
