She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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