Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I love you. Go after that dick
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
