Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
