Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
