He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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