Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
