im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
