i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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