someone threw a dead crab at me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
