hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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