i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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