all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
