I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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