There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
