I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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