I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
