The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
