If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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