If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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