its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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