who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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