You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
