At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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