My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
