Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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