Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
