the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize