I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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