i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
