is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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