The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
