i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
