I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
