I'm jealous of your bromance
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize