I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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