Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think i got beer on your cat.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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