I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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