i jhust puked up my retainher.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I want to fling myself into the sun
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
