After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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