She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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