well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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