You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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