Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
