I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
