i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
