You're completely useless in the revolution.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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