your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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