I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
