possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
3pm strippers are depressing
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
