I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
