Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize