Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
