he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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