I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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