she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
