well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize