Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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