You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
