And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
