dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
